Saturday, April 12, 2008


Northern Territory of Australia----DH/1B David Ortiz, the 'franchise player' of the Darwin Finches, is unhappy.

'Big Papi' has been informed that the Finches will play all of their home games without the DH rule, which effectively will trim 100-150 at-bats away from Darwin's big bopper, as well as forcing the rather stationary Ortiz to occasionally pick up a mitt in order to get his bat in the lineup. "Wazzup with that?" Ortiz growled, "No one will tell me."

Insiders speculate that statistical analysis by consultants has led Darwin's management to conclude that the 5-6 extra home runs they are likely to lose from not running Ortiz out there every game are a fair price to pay for leveraging the value of late-inning matchups against other clubs, particularly Eastern Division foes largely bereft of quality left-handed pitching.

"We're sure that David will realize this is about winning ballgames, and understand his role in the organization," said an anonymous club spokesperson, hopefully.

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